that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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