Apparently you make a good broom.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
