Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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