She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
