I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
