Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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