Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
