Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
