I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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