He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
