Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize