There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
