Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
