"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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