I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
