While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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