dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
accomplished twins. life is a go
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh god it's open bar.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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