i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
