im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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