So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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