The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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