I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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