I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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