You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
