guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
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how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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