She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
