he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
