omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
