she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
