i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
