He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
