Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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