I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
