I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
