so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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