The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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