It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
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Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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