i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
