i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
