I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
