Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
A+ Viking dick
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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