my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
