We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
