Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
