dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
