just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It was confusing and full of hummus
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
