these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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