Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
