I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
