I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
