Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
