thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
