My nipple is on Facebook.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Im part way to drunk.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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