Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
