it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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