Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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