she woke up with a sticky ear
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
soo... how was my night?
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