The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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