We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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