Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize