I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
