Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
