Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
