if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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