The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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