Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
