I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
