good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This is the high leading the old right now
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
