i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
worst night to have a conscience
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
