I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Randomize
