Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
