Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
