There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
