Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
