so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
