We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
