I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
