at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
