I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
