there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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