I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
