I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
